911

A blonde is complaining to her friend about the bad day she'd had at work. Her boss had suffered a heart attack and died.

Her friend said, "How horrible! What did you do?"

The blonde shook her head. "There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers..."

Soldier and wife

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

First Soldier: Why did you join the army?

Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.

Relationship...

???

Divorced Barbie

A guy gets out late from work and on his way home he remembers his little daughter's birthday.

He stops the car, goes into a toy store and asks the shop assistant:

How much costs one Barbie?"

The shop assistant replies: "Which Barbie?
We have: Barbie at gym $19.95;
Barbie playing volley $19.95;
Barbie shopping - $19.95;
Barbie on the beach $19.95;
Barbie dancing $19.95
Divorced Barbie $300

The man, shocked, asks: "And why does each Barbie cost $19.95, and divorced Barbie costs $300???

The Shop assistant, with naturalness replies:
The divorced Barbie also has :
Ken's house
Ken's car
Ken's fishing tools
Ken's furniture
Ken's P.C.

Crazy people talk

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him
down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"