911

A blonde is complaining to her friend about the bad day she'd had at work. Her boss had suffered a heart attack and died.

Her friend said, "How horrible! What did you do?"

The blonde shook her head. "There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers..."

Soldier and wife

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

First Soldier: Why did you join the army?

Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.

Relationship...

???

Divorced Barbie

A guy gets out late from work and on his way home he remembers his little daughter's birthday.

He stops the car, goes into a toy store and asks the shop assistant:

How much costs one Barbie?"

The shop assistant replies: "Which Barbie?
We have: Barbie at gym $19.95;
Barbie playing volley $19.95;
Barbie shopping - $19.95;
Barbie on the beach $19.95;
Barbie dancing $19.95
Divorced Barbie $300

The man, shocked, asks: "And why does each Barbie cost $19.95, and divorced Barbie costs $300???

The Shop assistant, with naturalness replies:
The divorced Barbie also has :
Ken's house
Ken's car
Ken's fishing tools
Ken's furniture
Ken's P.C.

Crazy people talk

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him
down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

Woman Drivers...

Reasons Why I Never Visit My Rich Friend

Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and...

Maid : What would you like to have, Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino or Coffee?
Answer : Tea please

Maid : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea ?
Answer : Ceylon tea

Maid : How would you like it ? Black or white?
Answer : White

Maid : Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer : With milk

Maid : Goat's milk, or cow's milk
Answer : With cow's milk please.

Maid : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer : Um, I'll just take it black.

Maid : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer : With sugar

Maid : Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer : Cane sugar

Maid : White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer : Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.

Maid : Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer : Mineral water

Maid : Flavoured or non-flavoured ?
Answer : I think I'll just die of thirst

Real Window

Train Ride

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I''m sorry to bother you, but I''m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I''ve got a better idea... just for tonight, let''s pretend we''re married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

Team Work!!!

Florida or the moon

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking...
And one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida???"

Confusing English

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

Get Back to WORK!!!

Samy Vellu Berjaya menyelesaikan Isu AP

Dalam sidang parlimen yg lepas Dtk Seri S. Samy Vellu yg juga Presiden MIC telah berjaya menyelesaikan kemelut isu AP antara bekas PM Tun Dr. Mahathir dengan Menteri MITI Dtk Seri Rafidah Aziz. Idea beliau sangat bernas dengan memasukkan fakta persaudaraan dan persefahaman.Berikut adalah kenyataan beliau yang telah diringkaskan.

"Tuan yg Dipertua, Selaku menteri kabinet, ali Barisan Nasyenel dan Presiden YemAiSi... saya teylah berbincangkan Wissyu AP ini dalam mesyuarat YemAiSi yang lipas dingan sepanjang lebarnya. Akhirnya YemAiSi dengan sebulat-bulatnya suara tilah mencadangkan kepada Yangamaberomat Pedanamentri supayye wisyu wini disilisaikan dingan simangat pesefaman dan persodaran yang kekal antara Rafidah sama TuMahadey. Ini idea tilahpun lama diterimapakey woleh suummmmmmmmmma ali-ali YemAiSi termaso ali kuluarga saya sindirri.

Maka dingan ini YemAiSi dengan amat paling bangganya kasi wumumkan yang kami dari YemAisi mencadangkan supaya dengan tanpa silu-segannya Menteri MITI misti mau kasi guna ini nama mula dari sekarang...

"RAFIDAH A/P MAHATHIR"

Best Friend

Blond

A blond walks into a shop a says to the shop keeper "Can I buy that TV please?"
The shop keeper says ''No I don't serve blonds."
So she goes home and dies her hair brown.
She goes back to the shop and says' 'Can I buy that TV now."
The shop keeper says ''No I don't serve blonds.''
She says ''How do you know I'm blond?''
The shop keeper says ''Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave."

Mosquito

Why is HONEY golden in color?

A) Because of the Sun the flowers receive?
B) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?
C) Because it's manufactured that way?
D) I don't know.

The answer may be found below.


















A little lower...
















Just a little lower now...

1st Day of Ramadhan

Proud to be a Malaysian

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year,
Russian scientists have
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years,
and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a
telephone network one
thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American
scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US
papers read: "US
scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical
fibres, and
have concluded that their ancestors already had
advanced high-tech
digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the
Russians."

One week later, Malaysian newspapers reported the
following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres,
Malaysian
scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have
concluded that
5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using
wireless
technology.

Proud to be a Malaysian ?

Kisah Masyarakat...

Sepasang suami isteri pergi memancing dgn perahu mereka di sebuah tasik.. Si suami lebih suka memancing... manakala si isteri pula lebih suka membaca saja. Ketika sudah memancing beberapa jam si suamimemutuskan untuk tidur sejenak dan meletakkanalat pancingnya di dalam perahunya.. Si isteri pula terus dengan tabiat membacanya.. Tiba-tiba datang seorang penjaga tasik dgn botnya dan menghampiri perahu pasangan tersebut dan berkata, "Selamat pagi Puan.. apa yg sedang Anda lakukan??" "Membaca !!" Jawab wanita itu.. dalam hatinya berkata.. "buta ke tak nampak aku membaca.." "Sebenarnya Anda berada di kawasan yg dilarang memancing" kata penjaga tasik. "Tapi saya tidak memancing..!!! Saya hanya membaca" "Tapi saya nampak anda memiliki PERALATAN untuk itu...jadi saya mesti membawa anda ke pejabat kami untuk didenda..." "Kalau anda membawa saya ke sana.. saya akan mendakwa anda melakukan jenayah rogol..." tengking wanita itu. "Tapi saya tidak menyentuh Puan... !!" balas penjaga tasik kehairanan. Ya... itu betul.. tapi anda ada PERALATAN utk itu.."

The Logo...

WOW!

Safety First

Man N Women

Man :What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman :What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man :You're right. I was lying.

Tahukah Anda

Orang yang tidak pernah kisah langsung tentang wang ringgit,
pangkat, kedudukan dan harta dunia ialah Orang Utan.

Cuti Sekolah...

Pada pagi yang ceria di dalam kelas darjah 3 Anggerik Cikgu Roslina bertanya pada anak muridnya kemana mereka ingin pergi bercuti bersama keluarga pada musim cuti sekolah yang akan datang.

Cikgu : Siti pada musim cuti sekolah nanti kamu nak pergi kemana ?

Siti : Saya nak balik kampung atuk saya di Pahang.

Cikgu : Kamu Ramli?

Ramli : Saya nak pergi Genting Highland.

Cikgu : Kamu Ahmad?

Ahmad : Saya teringin nak pergi bulan la cikgu.

Semua murid-murid ketawakan Ahmad.

Cikgu : Ahmad.. kalau nak pergi bulan kena jadi angkasawan dulu...ok. Kamu pula Adam.

Dengan semangat Adam menjawab...

Adam : Saya nak pergi Matahari...

Cikgu : Adam... matahari kan panas mana ada manusia pergi sana....

Adam : Kita pergi malam.....

Still Waiting

New Technique